negritaaa:

TSA: are u carrying any firearms or explosives?

Me: *points to crotch* u mean this bomb pussy?

TSA: why do u always do this?

(via audible-auras)

grinderman2:

one time i went to see my grandma in the hospital when she was just waking up from surgery and the first thing she said (really feebly) was “neil… what does… your shirt say” and i had to say “skate and destroy” in front of the nurse and my whole family

(via audible-auras)

jtwayiam:

If you’re ever lucky enough to find a girl who is a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind, you should hold onto that. Because she’ll be yours at two in the morning and at two in the afternoon the following day. She’ll kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. And that’s important. Someone who not only knows how to turn you on but also knows how to treat you right is someone worth a little something… and a little more than usual

(via audible-auras)